How to have sex with a car (NSFW)

Achtung! The following post is NSFW.

Our post about dragons having sex with cars struck a nerve, so we decided to do some digging into the car-sex phenomenon.

Our search led us to an old-school FAQ on textfiles.com, a repository of BBS-era information: Dekhyr Dragon’s guide to sex with cars (for males). The qualifier “for males” is important because it prevents unwitting women from sticking their penises in tailpipes.

Dekhyr Dragon writes:

“Having sex with a car.” The phrase is sometimes misunderstood to mean sex in a car, and sometimes is greeted with skepticism. How can you have sex with a car? The short answer is, up the tailpipe.

[…]

The tailpipe of the car is, of course, where the exhaust comes out. So in this sense, the tailpipe is an anus.

He goes on to explain, in remarkable detail, how to build a “koozie” to serve as a pleasurable medium between the tailpipe and the penis.

You’re probably thinking: “That’s all right for me, I suppose, but what about my friends? Car fucking is a social activity.”

Dekhyr Dragon agrees. Your buddy should join in!

More than one person can fuck a car if it has more than one tailpipe on opposite sides of the car. This will also make the car rock faster and harder since the energy of two people will add [sic].

Be careful, however, when making love to your automobile. As with most flesh-and-blood people, sex can be poisonous, explosive, and potentially penis-mangling:

NEVER fuck a car with the engine on. Firstly, you will be breathing hard, and that means you can poison yourself faster. Secondly, the car will either stall (because there’s something blocking the tailpipe, heh) – causing damage to the engine – or will force the exhaust out. And you have an idea where the exhaust will go, I trust. Ouch! Fatality City!

As the immutable passage of time marches us slowly towards our extinction, we can sleep well at night knowing our legacy is guarded by the greatest minds our race has ever known: the carfucker Dekhyr Dragon and his Tailpipe Imps.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I can’t believe you’re showing dragons fucking cars, that is disgusting. If you have ever seen a sweet dragon vagina, you’d know why cars should fuck dragons instead.

Think about it.

Anonymous's picture

i had sex in a car for the first time the other day and it was kinda hard due to the lack of room…so could you help me out with some positions or ways of doing it better in the car

Anonymous's picture

Oh here’s a tip: don’t have sex in the glove box next time.

Anonymous's picture

lol

Anonymous's picture

what about the gas tank or something? like that hole where you fill up gas?

My friend used to fuck that part right there. I guess he’s car works not only with gasoline but cum also cause it still works fine as heck! haha

Anonymous's picture

I remember back in the day when I was around 14 or so… When my parents weren’t home I’d go into the garage where we had a big jetski on a stand. I’d fire it up and fuck the exhaust and it was great! It was one hell of a blowjob. Funny thing is it was LOUD, and I’d open the garage door because the garage would fill up with exhaust smoke and the neighbors would give me a WTF? look cause they couldn’t understand what the hell I was doing with a running jetski and a closed garage with nothing on but boxers. LOL those were the days! I told my wife about it and she thinks it’s hilarious.

Anonymous's picture

What else can she do? Really.

Anonymous's picture

U know in the first pic it would be cooler if the car had hydrolics or something, so it would almost be real…NT1GF

Anonymous's picture

how come only two of the pic the dragons actualy have testicles?