photo / A.A.  

What’s your favorite foot?

If anyone in the whole world is pumped about appealing to a large audience – literally and figuratively – it is Marianne. Proudly advertising clothing in sizes that range from 4 to 24, Marianne boasts a boxy logo and wares that make the flimsy trendoid squares of fabric at Forever 21 look like delicately sewn couture. Indeed, Marianne is precisely the type of store that should flourish in what is commonly known as a “ghetto mall,” where cost is considered over quality; where glitter and elastic are deeply valued commodities. Austin’s Highland Mall is happy to have her.

And yet, Marianne is closing soon. Her big, yellow banners say so. She has gone the way of Ann Taylor. And Jessica McCormick. They’re quietly slipping out of Highland Mall like sorority girls at a dive bar. Through the cracks of its occasionally duct-taped brown tile floor, a powerful strain of retail Ebola seeps through. And judging by the slogging, swaying gait of the stroller-pushing patrons, the virus may be going cross-species. Witness the slow crumbling of yet another one of America’s altars to consumerism. O Gods of shopping, what sacrifice might we make to save it?

photo / 33mhz Poop-streaked sign outside of Austin’s Highland Mall 

photo / Glamour Schatz Hamilton Pool 

Ohmygod. There’s a 50-foot waterfall here. And that’s just one of many reasons why Hamilton Pool is worth the 30-minute drive (and the subsequent quarter-mile walk from the parking lot – bring decent shoes). This superlative swimming hole is gorgeous, beautiful, pretty, and the opposite of an eyesore.

9am to 6pm daily, weather permitting (call 512-264-2740 to see if they’re open)

No admittance after 5:30pm

Day permit: $8 (per vehicle)
Pedestrian/bicyclist: $3

Activities:

• swimming (when allowed)
• picnicking
• hiking
• nature study
• guided tours
• pretend you’re in the movie Teeth

Hamilton Pool
24300 Hamilton Pool Rd bull; Austin, TX 73301

photo / Bethany L King Come on, ladies. We’re heading to Oklahoma City to crack some heads. 

The NBA’s Supersonics are heading out of Seattle and into Oklahoma City (boooo). Since the team owners are sweet enough guys to leave the name “Supersonics” behind, Oklahoma City gets to have a naming contest for their team (yay!). The four finalists were recently revealed by ESPN and they are (drum roll, please): Barons, Thunder, Thunderbirds, and Outlaws.

Austin, I know, I thought the same exact thing. We’re the Outlaws. Sure, there are two Giants (San Francisco and New York), two Kings (Los Angeles and Sacramento), two Panthers (Carolina and Florida), as well as two Rangers (Texas and New York). But of those teams, only the Kings are anywhere near each other on a map (384 miles between LA and Sacramento) and we’re not going to count them because they’re in the same state. That officially makes the Outlaws the worst possible choice for Oklahoma City, as a mere 388 miles separate OKC and ATX.

Are you ready for the mind games to get even deeper? Hold on to something squishy with one hand and keep scrolling down with the other.

Luby’s

Girl on cell phone “I always think it’s a good idea to date two guys at once with the same name so there are no possible accidents in bed.”